The hooded sweats I was wearing made a sound with each stride. It sounded like I was being followed. I’d look back while running to see who was behind me. But, no one was there. I imagined that the sound heard, was the sound of my old companion, death, stalking me. That sobering and yet scary thought, helped to keep me moving.
But, still in all, I remember wondering, "where is the familiar pain in my hip that was screaming at me just two days before?" Absent? Curious? I wondered: Had a barrier been surpassed - in so short a time? Gone too was the aching numbness in my legs and feet. However it was replaced with pain in the lower back. This was yet another sobering reality. For there is nothing like lower back pain, when you're running, to make you want to quit. That pain had brought me to a virtual halt, on a morning run, about two weeks earlier. Back pain makes me want to stop running and walk it out.
Today, however, I felt there was enough energy left in the tank, so to speak, to lift up my torso, rotate those hips, and adjust my running form – to do a bit more. and when I did, the lower back pain did subside – enough anyway, so that I was able to push on. However, I was still running with the feeling of that "swish, swish" sound in pursuit.
This sound following me, the constant pain, the desire to give up, these were not unfamiliar feelings, but they were as always a curious experience, these very personal battles with pain, in the struggle to rehabilitate. The experience is all at once a combination of trials and tribulations; moments of a character defining challenge, that constantly tests and offering intermittent blasts of self awareness.
Who was it that said: "Pain helps you know that you're alive."
I actually like the challenge of being able to define for yourself, exactly who you are, by what you do. I like the realness of it all. There is no way to B.S. yourself. Although we try. But we know all the buttons to push. We know where all our secret "quit place" is hiding. And it seems that when we push it, especially by decision, that where ever the chain is most weak, the strain will show through. And yet, that's where we have the greatest opportunity to redefine-exactly who we are. By Doing! By facing what will be and what can be. Getting it done - in the zone of the living!
One Mo, One Mo - tomorrow is coming - but not before I hit the gym - tonight!
But, still in all, I remember wondering, "where is the familiar pain in my hip that was screaming at me just two days before?" Absent? Curious? I wondered: Had a barrier been surpassed - in so short a time? Gone too was the aching numbness in my legs and feet. However it was replaced with pain in the lower back. This was yet another sobering reality. For there is nothing like lower back pain, when you're running, to make you want to quit. That pain had brought me to a virtual halt, on a morning run, about two weeks earlier. Back pain makes me want to stop running and walk it out.
Today, however, I felt there was enough energy left in the tank, so to speak, to lift up my torso, rotate those hips, and adjust my running form – to do a bit more. and when I did, the lower back pain did subside – enough anyway, so that I was able to push on. However, I was still running with the feeling of that "swish, swish" sound in pursuit.
This sound following me, the constant pain, the desire to give up, these were not unfamiliar feelings, but they were as always a curious experience, these very personal battles with pain, in the struggle to rehabilitate. The experience is all at once a combination of trials and tribulations; moments of a character defining challenge, that constantly tests and offering intermittent blasts of self awareness.
Who was it that said: "Pain helps you know that you're alive."
I actually like the challenge of being able to define for yourself, exactly who you are, by what you do. I like the realness of it all. There is no way to B.S. yourself. Although we try. But we know all the buttons to push. We know where all our secret "quit place" is hiding. And it seems that when we push it, especially by decision, that where ever the chain is most weak, the strain will show through. And yet, that's where we have the greatest opportunity to redefine-exactly who we are. By Doing! By facing what will be and what can be. Getting it done - in the zone of the living!
One Mo, One Mo - tomorrow is coming - but not before I hit the gym - tonight!
posted by Sensei Alan Simms at
10:20 AM
0 Comments
